You should only do something when you are truly inspired to do so, otherwise, it just won’t be great. I’ve been a little MIA as I had been throwing a pity party for myself the last few weeks. I was so tired, and felt so big, and overwhelmed with the fact that I was having two babies at one time. After a recent doctor’s visit, she convinced me to do something I had been on the fence about for the last few months, quit my job. It was a very difficult decision to make, but the supportive Rockstar Hubby and I felt it was the right time. Though I was still uncertain during my last two weeks of work, I am now going on my second week as a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom, for those of you unfamiliar with the term), and I don’t miss working one bit. I take that back, the steady paycheck was nice, but there is something oddly challenging and exciting about making it all work on one paycheck.
Anyhow, was feeling a bit down and not inspired to write anything. Then my girlfriend came to town. One of my best college buddies, who was also my sorority sister (my “Diamond” sister, aka: Big sister). She recently moved back to Chi-town with her hubby and baby boy, and came out to Vegas for a girls’ weekend with her sister-in-laws. I don’t care how or why she came, all I know it was fantastic to spend time with her! Whether she knew it or not, she came at the right time, because she spent the entire two days telling me how fabulous I was. How she loved my blog, and how great of a writer I am. She told her sister-in-law that I was a great organic food shopper and a terrific cook (wow! thanks for that one!). Went on about how impressed she was that I was handling marriage and kids so well in the midst of my sudden departure from my career and news about the twins, and how gracefully I handle Rockstar Hubby’s career. I told her, it’s all a big facade, if you only knew how much we have been fighting recently, or how I constantly yell at my children, and feed them, gasp, frozen foods for dinner lately because I am too tired and hot to cook. She listened as only a best friend would do, and despite all of this, looked at me with a sympathetic smile, but would not back down from thinking I was amazing.
It is such an incredible thing to experience, a change in emotion. How does one’s world go from being so bleak and dark and scary, and with one visit from a girlfriend, the world is conquerable again? It’s bright and cheery and well, not so bad. Perhaps it’s the friend you seek the support from. I didn’t solicit this type of admiration from my friend, she gave it to me without knowing how down I had been on myself lately. Whatever the reason, she was not stingy with me with her feelings. This is something I learned while working for lululemon, as a manager, not to be stingy with gratitude and compliments. I have friends and family who have been saying these things to me, supporting me with my decisions, all along, but for some reason, this was the first time I really heard it. Even my husband and I had a long talk the other night about how great I have been in my career, as a mom, as a wife, and it was still hard for me to believe -and I don’t say this with ego. I say it because I believe there are others out there, just like me. Probably, you are one of them, reading this now and totally relating to what I am saying. Why is it so hard to believe that we are amazing? That we are great? That we are doing enough, and our enough really is good enough!
The one thing that comes to mind, comes again from what I learned at the Guru Fitness Company…live your life with intention. Live your best life. I guess it’s the question of, “is my best good enough?” It always seems to be for everyone else but me. Though it sounds like an over-achiever, it is also my greatest downfall as it plays with my self-confidence and keeps me from truly being great. Something I imagine I will struggle with for awhile. In the meantime, I am inspired to write again! And for now, that makes me happy.